Confessions of a Foodaholic
I have big problems. I wake up and think about food, I get done eating and think about what I am going to eat next. I go to bed thinking about food. I have been known to ‘sneak’ food. I’ve planned outings around food. I celebrate with food. I get depressed and I fix it with food. I am happy so I eat food. I’m sad, so I eat food.
This is an ongoing struggle for me. It’s real, and it’s painful. Painful in my pants, and also painful in my heart. I hate that I cannot get control over this issue. I try to make healthy meals and then one thought of chocolate and it breaks my whole healthy eating routine. I know it’s a self control issue, but I also believe it’s something bigger. What, I still don’t know but it’s real and it really sucks.
Last March Jonathan and I started eating really well. We cut out sugar and grains. We did a cleanse for 21 days. We even did Whole30 for the month of August. Then life happened. Celebrations happened. Holidays happened. And for one reason after another, sugar crept its way back into our lives. Last year I had done so good (in my opinion) and was down 30 pounds. Now, I’m almost back to where I started last year and it’s becoming harder and harder to deal with it. I want to eat good. I want to get a good exercise in everyday. I want to cut out sugar and dairy and grains again. I felt AMAZING the month of August last year. But those first 2 weeks on Whole30 were a $(%)!!
I guess I’m just admitting this on here so I can be held accountable. I need accountablity. I need to get this under control. Most importantly I need to be comfortable to be outside with my kids and not worry about if my pants will split when I sit down! I would love to drop 2 pant sizes (preferably 4, but let’s start with 2) and be able to run with my kids for longer than 3 minutes :)
So there you have it. My goals. My heart. If only you knew how hard this is for me to admit. If only you knew the tears I’ve cried. If only you knew the thoughts that go through my head about this. If only you knew how utterly ashamed I am that this is such an issue.
As I am writing this, tears streaming, I am in a parking lot because I knew that if I went to Panera Bread to write, I would have to buy that Chocolate Chip Cookie and if I was eating a chocolate chip cookie while typing this then there had to be a coke to wash it down. (Yes, it’s that bad)
There you have it. The struggle is real. And now, I am headed home because Jonathan took the kids to church and I am going to go get my yoga pants on and I am going to go for a LONG walk, and then a bike ride, and then maybe I’ll jump rope.
Here’s to new beginnings...again.
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