It’s real, and I have it.
I have horrible childhood memories of going to the dentist. The sights, sounds and smells are burned into my memories and it sends chills up my spine. I even have horrible nightmares about my teeth falling out! The kind of nightmares where you wake up from a dream, but then your teeth fall out again and then you’re having a dream, within a dream, within another dream. It’s terrible.
I don’t have the best teeth. I have more fillings than I care to count and just talking about this is making me feel like I could throw up any minute.
Long ago, before I could have braces, our dentist pulled FOUR of my teeth - none of which were loose - and from then on, I have panic attacks about going to the dentist. I avoid it like the plague.
I have tears rolling down my cheeks at this very moment. Goodness. Horrible memories.
Then, in college, I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. The pain, the blood, the medicine. It was awful and it was the day before Thanksgiving which meant I had to miss out on all my mom’s delicious food.
Before we started traveling last year, we made dentist appointments for all of us. I had panic attacks and have trouble sleeping the night before. Jon prayed with me before I left for my appointment. I start shaking as soon as I pull up to the place. It was all I could do to walk in. They saw the tears in my eyes when I signed in and they know how hard of a time I have in there. Thankfully, they are usually very patient with me.
Guys, it took them TWO HOURS to clean my teeth because I couldn’t stop crying. I tried everything. I tried music and headphones and watching TV on the screen above me, they even gave me laughing gas. It was HORRIBLE. I could tell they were all so annoyed with me but I just couldn’t help it. I would rather go get another C-Section than go to the dentist. When I left that appointment, they told me that when I come back, they’ll have to put me to sleep so that it doesn’t take so long. Needless to say, I haven’t been back. I know I need to go but I just can’t.
My kids are at the dentist (Jon took them) as I type this. I’m a mess and so nervous for all of them. Jax is having to have 2 teeth removed due to an infection and it’s all I can do to stay calm. Jon dropped me off at the local library because I just can’t even go with them. I took them to their first appointments a couple years ago and I got so light headed, almost passed out, and cried most of the time. They had to tend to me there...at the children's dentistry. It was horrible. So, Jonathan has to take them now and I don’t even set foot in the place.
Does anyone else have this fear of the dentist? Or am I just super messed up?
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